It is better to give than receive, they said...

It is better to give than to receive, they said. How many times have you heard that before?

During Mission Year, I’ve found that I have challenged myself to give more than I receive. Along the way, I realize that I’ve lost the ability to receive from others…essentially, not giving them the joy and blessings found in giving.

Last week I was on the 80 heading to work. It was the fullest that I have ever seen it. I approached the only seat I saw available and as I was sitting down, I mumbled hello and asked if I could sit next to her (not really giving her a choice of saying no). She scooted closer to the window. Oops, maybe she’s offended that I chose to sit next to her?

The bus finally started going and after a few minutes of coughing, she asked, “would you mind… a couple of dollars…coffee?” I was caught off guard and only heard bits of her request.

“Oh, excuse me? I didn’t hear that,” I replied.

“It’s really cold out and I have this cough…would you mind sparing change for coffee?”

Then my reasoning started having a conversation with me in my head. If I give her money, would she actually use it for coffee? What if she doesn’t? Why do I care so much on what she will use a couple dollars for? She’s right, it is really cold out and if I didn’t have money for coffee, I’d really hope someone would buy me a cup. Remember the solitude retreat when you asked people for a cup of coffee and you got rejected? Ouch.

“Ma’am, I really don’t feel comfortable giving money out, but I’ll buy you that cup of coffee if you go to the coffee shop with me.”

“Well, I can’t walk far, so would you get off here with me to the corner store?” she replied.

Okay, this is getting a little complicated. I’m running late to the meeting. She told me where the store is and that it only costs $1 at the corner store for a cup of coffee. Maybe she’s not lying.

“Ma’am, I’m running late to a meeting. I feel comfortable about giving you a dollar for that coffee.”

She was thankful for the dollar. Then we exchange names and I begin to hear her story.

Ms. Pat was on her way back to downtown from Fifth Ward. She has been trying to get a job for a while but her history prevents her from getting a job. When she was 19 she got into some trouble and was locked up for a long time. Her past has followed her. Once she got out from prison, she became addicted to crack and has been trying her best to get clean.

“Things are hard these days, but I keep trying,” she said.

As I heard her story, my heart went out to her. It seems like she’s been stuck in a cycle within the system and no matter how hard she tries, things end up back to the starting position. That’s discouraging and that’s the story of injustice for a lot of my neighbors here.

I reach for my backpack and realize that I also had some candy and Nutella packets in there. I offered them to her and her face lit up…way more than when I gave her a dollar for the cup of coffee…way more than my face when my roommate, Kira, chose to share the candy and Nutella that she got in her care package.

Then Ms. Pat leaned over to reach into her pocket. “I have something that I want to give you, too,” she said. Oh, no. What could she give me? She doesn’t seem to have much. She brought out a pocket sized NIV booklet of the book of John. I glanced at it, didn’t hear what she had to say about it and made my petition to give it back to her.

“This is so nice, but I already have a bible. Maybe you should hold on to it? I really don’t need this.”

After a while, I realized that she really wanted me to have this as a gift. She had so much joy in wanting to give and my pushback showed me how much I struggled to receive things, often robbing others the joy of giving. I eventually took the book as I listened to her blessings over me.

If I’ve been learning one thing from my neighbors here in Houston, it is the importance that learning to receive well has as much value as learning to give well. I think that is what generosity. This is the person that I am becoming. I am learning to allow others to provide for me uniquely as I do my best to provide for them. In that process, there’s a sweet spiritual growth spurt that occurs in my faith as I commit to living this out intentionally.