The Mystery of Pain

"Dear God, I am full of wishes, full of desires, full of expectations. Some of them may be realized, and some may not, but in the midst of all my satisfactions and disappointments, I hope in you. O Lord, strengthen my hope, especially when my many wishes are not fulfilled. Let me never forget that your name is Love. Amen." - Henri Nouwen 

Pain is the storm raging within, You can see it in my eyes. 

If I tell you my story, you may think I'm made of lies.

The world tells me that there is always something bigger and better,
So why should I unveil my misery while I walk this wide road of discovery?

I have experienced the inevitable. 
I have wrestled the unthinkable. 
I have endured the cycle.

Pain is the storm brewing within 
And slowly it is spilling out from the interior.

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The poem above is written from the perspective of those I've encountered in the past couple years. Individuals who have endured and continue to walk a path of self-discovery. In their stories, I begin to find an "we" instead of a "them." These are individuals who have helped me look at the beauty of life, in such a raw way.

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I woke up this morning heavy and frustrated. The unimaginably painful story people have to walk makes my heart search for answers. In those moments when I desire, hope, and fight for something more joyful, I feel helpless and weak. 

You see, the reality is I don't understand why. I keep asking, "Why?" but the answer keeps leading me back to the mystery of life: "Life is a series of mysteries we must each unravel at our own pace. Some people solve this mystery quicker than others. Some people never do. Some like myself are still trying to put the puzzle together."

We experience pain, but not without reason. In the midst of sitting, weeping, and questioning with my community I realize that there are uniquely designed gifts for all of us as we navigate through our stories at our own pace.